Today is day 5 of the 31-day challenge and today’s challenge is very specific.
Write what you know.
I am supposed to write about a day in my life that I will never forget so I apologize now, you may have to grab some tissue, but I am going to discuss the day I experienced real loss.
As we all know, death is a part of life. It’s inevitable. You can’t escape it. I’ve lost several family members throughout my life. As a child, your brain can’t really understand it all. You know that someone has passed but it doesn’t truly affect you. You can’t understand why everyone is mourning. As an adult, that loss hits you and sometimes hard.
September will be a month that brings great sorrow for me. This is the month that I’ve lost my maternal great grandmother, my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandmother. Not all in the same year but the final two were a year apart.
The loss I want to discuss is the one regarding my maternal grandmother.
She fought cervical cancer and as you can guess she lost that fight.
My family circled around her when we got the notice that she had 48-hrs to live. I listed her as home the day we received the news and the next morning I went to work. Bad idea. I could not stop crying. I was about to lose a big part of my life and it wasn’t fair. She was supposed to be around for the moment I received my BFA. She was supposed to be around to see my dreams come true. To see me get married, to have kids. This moment was not supposed to happen. I was sent home and ordered to go be with her by my manager.
I sat by her bedside while she slept with my head rested on the edge of the best holding her hand. I didn’t want God to take her from me and I was praying that he wouldn’t.
Throughout the day my family gathered at her home to be with her. We all knew the end was near and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.
We talked and laughed. Everyone tried to push the thought of her passing out of our minds while she slept in the next room.
I sat in the living room with my cousin and great aunt having a conversation. My aunt went to check on my grandmother and my cousin and I continued the conversation. I can’t even remember what we talked about because what happened next is forever engrained in my memory.
My aunt started yelling at my grandmother to breath, to not do this.
My cousin and I looked at each other panicked. We got up and raced into the bedroom.
My aunt continued to yell at my grandmother begging her to breath. I silently pleaded with her to not give up. It was too soon. The doctor had said 48-hrs and it was only the next day.
I stood at the foot of her bed and watched her exhale. There was no inhale that followed. She stopped breathing and my heart sank to the floor.
My cousin raced from the house calling my mother’s name. I’m not quite sure how I even got outside.
I vaguely remember one of my uncles taking me in his arms and asking me to breath. I was crying so hard. My entire world had flipped upside down.
One by one my family emerged from the house and they had the same reaction I did.
The rest of the night is a bit of a blur. I spent weeks on the couch at home. Moving only to use the bathroom. My sister and mother made sure that I ate.
Memories never stay with me for very long but this one I don’t think I will ever forget.
Writing this has been a little therapeutic. I’m not over it but I’m dealing with it.
Until tomorrow…Love, Peace and Chicken Grease.